Fire Up The Party Boat and Get Daunte On The Horn!
That’s right you heard me, call up Daunte, Smoot, and McKinnie because there is a new gang (rape) in town.
It’s been over 10 years since the infamous Vikings Party Boat incident happened. Quick refresher for those who don’t remember. Multiple players, including but not limited to: Daunte Culpepper, Fred Smoot, and Bryan McKinnie, were investigated for rape on an incident that happened while many of the players were enjoying a day off on a “party boat.” Could you imagine how lit that party boat would of been had Darren Sharper been on the Vikings in 05? (Already headed to hell but this Sharper comment may put me on the fast track.) Anyway, it’s been pretty quiet in Minnesota since then when it comes to teammates having an orgy, consentual or not…. Until now!!!
Before Sundays game against Illinois the Minnesota Gophers men’s basketball team announced that guards Kevin Dorsey, Nate Mason, and Dupree McBrayer would not be suiting up on Sunday for what they called a violation of the team rules. Rumors started circulating as to why, and boy let me tell you its juicer than a Kardashians ass.
Before I get to the juice(insert Schwimmer joke here) I didn’t think much of the three players being suspended. Since he has gotten to Minneapolis Dicky Pitino has not been afraid to bring the hammer down on players. I can recall his first year when he suspended our best big Mo Walker for 5 games for violation of team rules. I was on campus during that year and everyone knows big Mo just wanted to get his blunt on. He has also kicked Zach Lofton off the team last year after he was partying at the clubs in Minneapolis. Then he kicked Daquan McNeil off the team for choking and beating his girl friend. Ok I get that one. Just a few weeks ago he kicked off Carlos Morris for what Pitino said was Conduct Detrimental to the Team. What the fuck does that mean little Dicky? So I figured the boys just got caught by dad smoking the same Marijuana cigarettes again. Well, was I ever off. Word is that Kevin Dorsey uploaded a video on his twitter. Hang on, not just one video but 2!!! Not just any old videos but videos that should be preceeded by a pizza delivery or a “my parents won’t be home for a few hours.” People who’ve seen the video told me that they couldn’t make out any faces in first video but in the 2nd one you can clearly make out Dorsey…punishing some chick fron behind while another person who couldn’t be identified filled this nice ladies mouth with something other than words. Since Mason and McBrayer are suspended with Dorsey one could only assume that those two were the others in the videos.
Almost any other year and this is a classic facepalm gopher moment. This year is a different beast. Since even making the Cbi, or whatever the fuck they call the even shittier nit, is out of reach I need something to hold on to and remember thus season by. I thought it would be a home win over Maryland that I would remember from this season but coming in hot late in the season, the classic team gangbang.
I now feel like my Gophers are superior than almost every college basketball team out there. Unless you win the NCAA title don’t talk to me. Oh you had a player make the all American team? Well we had two players Eiffel Tower some chick and posted it on Twitter, yeah keep walking bitch. This will forever be in my heart of most gophery moments ever. Right next to getting the only deep tournament run made by them stripped away. Fuck I hate to love this team. Just wanted to say I feel for Richard Pitino. First the dudes dad gets caught banging secretaries. Then his program is put on the ropes for a prostitution scandal. And now this, poor guy can’t get away from sex scandals and he’s never the one that gets to do the fun part of the scandals. Oh and a special thanks to Kevin Dorsey for pulling the ultimate freshman move and opening Twitter instead of snap chat.